Diyah Gurung
Creaking up the stairs to the attic of my old house, dust flew around me. The untouched piles of memories displayed in front of me. I just wanted photos of my youthful days. I took the first box which stood out the most with stickers I used to paste everywhere. Surely my photos were in there, no. A portrait of my mother and I was looking into my eyes. My heart dropped when I saw her image. I was stunned, I thought I had erased every piece of her belongings in my house. My mother was a humane and tender woman, like a cat. Until that one out-of-the-blue day, she abandoned me with my father. I waited every breath and heartbeat around the sun for her to come back but it was futile. I was only left with my grandmother.
As I looked into the portrait even more, I realized this misfortune happened because of my mother. I kept blaming her for the past I had. Those distress- ing memories came flooding in my mind. My vision started to shake and I could feel the cold sweat dripping down my skin. I fainted.
I gained consciousness and my eyes flickered as I struggled to see. I had wo-ken up on the rooftop of a hospital. Suddenly, I heard a soothing voice of a familiar woman. I turn behind to see my mother in a wheelchair with a warm maroon scarf around her head. “The sunset looks lovely, doesn’t it Isabelle? ‘’ she said with a genuine smile. The wrath I felt after all these years turned into sad tears streaming down my cheeks. The howls of wind whispered and wandered around the distance between us. My hair swayed in the rhythm of my heartline as I saw my pale sick mother. Her heavy arms spread open, welcoming me to embrace her. I ran, I needed her. Her wrinkly weak hands patted my back while my salty tears landed on her clothes and in my mouth. She smelled like the hospital and lost the scent she used to calm me down with.
What condition was she in right now? Why was she in a wheelchair? When did she get admitted to the hospital? Questions filled endlessly like filling a bottomless jar in my mind as I sat beside my mother resting on her bed, look- ing away from me. “Why did you leave me?”, I asked her. There was a pin drop silence before she revealed the truth I have been yearning for. My mother left me because she didn’t want me to worry about her. She started suffering from breast cancer after I was born. In fear that I would get traumatized, like a cat, she left me alone with my grandmother. She had promised her that she would keep me safe until the last of me. However, it was not long after she passed away and my mother couldn’t do anything about it. My heart sank as our eyes contacted with glittering stars. It looked like she was relieved to tell me the truth.
I lay down on my mother’s lap while we watched the stars shooting and playing in the sky glowing through the dark. We talked about the jolly mem- ories she had of me from years ago. I’m surprised she was there to see my first little steps. Time flies by quickly when you are having fun. I felt drowsy all of the sudden while my mother was running her fingers through my hair. “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it my Isabelle,”I heard before shutting unconscious. I woke up with tears in my eyes while holding tightly to the portrait in my arms. It was like a realistic dream. I was blessed to meet my mother. After all these years, I can gladly move on with my life. I’m sure she’s an empty free spirit now.
